When Pigs swim...

I'm in a better mood. So I want to share this picture... I Love pigs..
This rabbit reminds me of the princess the ears anyway... lol I really like the pigs..... LOL

Another Day.

So another day has gone by and I feel like SHIT. Yes I spelled it with no *^$%# or anything!! Ha

I am sad, miserable and somehow moving through the days. I tried a new med today and I don't like it... or maybe it's just the BS in my life right now. AGGHh i'm in a reaLLY Crummy mood. I hate this crap. Now I'm going to post a photo that REFLECTS my mood...

Now I'm just pissed

See how the cycle goes...denial, sadness, now I'm starting to come out of the fog and see what's really up. NOW I'm pissed and I feel like someone has trespassed on my property, being myself and my life. He is really trying to ruin things for where I live hoping they won't let me stay.... Whatever. I will stay and will be happy. So F%$K off Loser. Here is what's in my mind..."Maybe, Just maybe, you could do Something if you had enough initiative to get a JOB and work... but since you don't, all you can do is follow my shadow and try to trip me up. Good luck with that. That's gonna get you far in this life. If you were half as aggressive with your own life as you are with me, you might actually BE successful instead of blaming everyone else for the fact that your not. If you didn't spend all your time Reliving EVERY single thing anyone in the world has ever done wrong to you maybe you could move forward. If you could stop being so paranoid and stop procrastinating you might not be such a sorry miserable boy. I did the most I could for you and treated you like a king. To bad you blew it and fucked it up like you have everything else in your life. Some people will never learn."
That's just what is going through my mind now. I realized this person is ONLY trying to hurt me now... NOT just physically, not just emotionally but now with every aspect of my life.
The only thing he doesn't know is ... I've known someone like him before. They end up digging themselves a hole so deep, I can just sit back and watch.
Now I'm going back to work... Here is the photo for the day!! Kind of morbid but gets the point across dosen't it?

Friday

Well, last night was an orientation... Info but left feeling yuck and then when I turned on my phone, I had missed some calls that i think were him. I don't know why he would wait till now to call but whatever. I was reading a book about this issue this morning and discovered that it's not usually about any reason. It's about control and power over someone. No amount of reasoning or explaining will change the fact that this person is doing this and for the satisfaction of feeling in control and powerful. AKA a bully, in my opinion. The book said no amount of explaining or acting a different way or changing ANYTHING about yourself will make this person happy. So I guess what I'm left asking is... Have I been believing the illusion of "do to others as you would have done to you?" Does it "Take one to know one?"... I have always felt that if you are good enough to a person they will treat you nice and love you back. Some people have definitely proven me wrong (BILLY). But others have loved me back. It seems that some only love you when you are gone and they realize what it felt like to be loved and cared about.

I definitely need to have a different perspective on this situation because I am taking all the responsibility on myself for Everything. When I sit and allow myself to think back about situations I remember a lot of things that bothered me along the way. I think my biggest problem is being to forgiving and not making other people be responsible for their own actions.

Sometimes he would say that he shouldn't be with a person like me... what I think that means is a person with an opinion.

I am having a lot of quite time to remember a lot of things and times where I felt hurt. Like when he told me that he was embarrassed to be around me with his friends because I looked and acted like a bimbo. That people would think I was easy because of my personality and friendliness. That I spoke like "diarrhoea from the mouth" meaning I talked to much and somehow belittled him by the conversations I may be having regardless of the topic of the conversation. He Always corrected me about everything from how to speak to how to clean the toilet. there are so many things that I am realizing now and I write them down so I can remember when I get that lump in my throat and feel like my heart is breaking. I always like to add a pic with my blog so here it goes for today.....

Getting Help

So today I'm supposed to go to this WI Distress place for an orentation. I'm looking forward to it because I am hurting over this situation and I feel so sad and bad and like a big ball of crap. I hope this will help me sort it out. It is hard to talk to people who are close to you about the situation because they usually tell you your stupid or crazy to feel a certain way, but that dosen't really help. It really only makes you feel like NOONE likes you. I know I'm supposed to feel a certain way and be more concerned about my own self and my health and feelings but That is NOT how I feel. I love this person and want to FIX this. But I know I cannot. I feel like I'm a failure. No one wants to hear this so I'm gonna save it for the place. Love you all who take the time to read this but most of all B and SUMz. Hope things will lighten up in the coming days. PEACE!!=)