I am In my own Hell.....

Strange title I know but as the evening wears on so do my nerves. I did finally come to the realization that this is coming from inside me and I have to work it out. For now I will give it some initials FOA. I will explain to those who need to know later, if you are randomly reading this post ... good luck this is where I go off road!!!

So I realized the problem is me and my unrelenting fear!!! Possible early trauma but definitely lasting scars. Painful. and pretty much still immobilizing. Thinking back I can't really pinpoint Where or When it started but I have a pretty good idea, because I dreamed of that place last night. I am struggling with this horrible feeling and it is like creeping up behind me all the time, like a monster that never attacks just haunts and threatens and tortures... It won't actually kill me it will just linger.... so basically HELL is the perfect term for how I feel at this moment.
At a time when I should be overjoyed and excited, I feel as if someone is cutting out my insides. I'm not sure exactly to do, I felt this before but not in a very long time. It is extremely painful!! There is Nothing I can do , I have been Doing SHIT. More SHIT than normal all day and there is only ONE thing on my mind. I really don't have an answer but I wish the FOA... would go away!!!

Shopping

Here is some of the stuff I have found lately, actually I have found alot but these are some of the more Interesting pieces. Here we have a funky VINTAGE dress that comes with a matching wrap. B this is for your caricature!!
The wrap ....Check out the bow at the Neck!!! The back its quite sexy, I'm gonna have S try it on and see how it looks.
Get ready for Christmas little elves!!!! Cute and Sexy!
Brand New size 6 1/2 boots from Mossimo. They are quite adorable with round toes, wish they fit me!!!!!

Some things of interest

I am incredibly missing my friend and wish he would hurry home. I have tried to stay busy and it's easy to do because I have alot of crap to do, but he's always on my mind. It's good I guess.
More frickin' bad storms today, Rained the whole day, no tanning as I wanted to. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow. I think I'll post pics of some of the things I found at the BW.....
This green dress is vintage... those are mushrooms on the bottom....the back is cool also.
this one is very nice kinda conservative but prob will sell....
I love these little dancer costumes!!!
Smokin' red shoes that are to small for me....=(
that is all for today, but I'll be back tomorrow with more fabulous finds from the local BW!!!!

Stormy Saturday

These are some of the pics I took this past week. I think they are very cute. I love the dress and the shoes.

aggghhh a very bad storm today, no doubt the worst one I've seen for a long time. Saw lightening hit a building. frickin' crazy!!

What...what.....

I'm on My way...

I'm leaving Atlanta today in a few hours . It went by fairly quickly and I learned a whole lot of new things!!! The best part was getting to see Brig!! That was cool. I was busy from Daybreak till Dusk. And getting up that early was a bitch!!! But I better get used to it for the next couple of weeks anyway!! It's all good. So, I'll have more to say later I'm quite sure... A story from my adventure home!!! Tonight Cato,Cato,Cato!!!!YEAYYYYY.

Here I go...

I'm off and to the airport I go, Not to happy about getting up!! But anyway... I'll be posting more later and Will be in Atlanta by 10:00. Yeah....... Call ya when I get there Brig. Love ya.

Off to see the Wizerd....

Going to the store to get burnable Cd's and stuff for my trip!! So Excited.Looking forward to the experience. Hope all goes as planned. Bri I hope you can come see me one night. I know my itinerary so I will let you know so we can make a plan. Now #:30 in the A.M. wondering who will be calling soon !!! =)

Rewritten....

so I wrote this big long blog that went on and on but was a tad to personal for the Internet, so I sent it to you B in an email... read as soon as you can, I'm freaking myself out for no good reason except that I like to torture myself. WWWHHHYYY???

Oh well, Today was a good day and I feel good I'm extremely tired right now but happy for the most part except for the email that u will read and no doubt roll ur eyes at!!! ;) Well, I need sleep so I'll go for now, will be back later. Love ya ... Oh , yeah, you'll never guess who called and I had dinner with tonight B!!! Not in a Million years!!!

Hip Hip Hooray....

Today is a good day, Even if it did start off to a funky little start. I got a new phone and S did also she got her sidekick!!! Woot Woot,

I like a boi I know Actually I like 2 but not so sure what will happen just watching... More info on that when the time comes...(BIG SMILES) Trying to get my stuff done for Atlanta... Gotta get the show on the road!!

New Watch Bands...

Yes, These are the new bands I got for the techno and the Guess. They are leather. I also put a new battery in the Techno marine. Wow, I just got a call from Richard that you would have to hear to believe. This one isgonna have to be retold over the phone. Let's just say There is a cat and a whip involved.. Big time... Un-Fucking-Believable!!! The watches...

Your right!!!

He doesn't get anymore chances... The US mail was good enough the first time it can be good enough the 2ND. So, I'm glad you had a good day with trigger. I worked and messed around on the computer a little. Talked on the phone a lot. Now I'm listing and will be watching a movie soon. Hope you have fun at the won't and call me in the morning. I am going to post a few pics for you to enjoy...;)This was last night when she was going to the restaurant for the birthday party for her friend, My little princess.

Venting and Closure???

Today, I went to the BW and basically regrouped after my tumultuous holiday. Shopping therapy always helps... My Holiday was kinda rocked by a "friend' and I am just now getting my mind around what happened. It is interesting how as time goes by things look differently, they become more and more clear. I felt uneasy for a while so I decided to confront....Usually when I do this It comes out way to strong, but this time i think I kept my composure pretty well under control. (No yelling or Crying) Even though both confrontations were very emotional for me,I said what I had to say and let it go, For so long I have gone along smiling and allowing things to happen and even if I didn't really like it or agree with it I would never confront this one Friend. Well I finally have had it, I let it go, and not by any means all of it, just enough, I hung up when i felt the urge to Roar!!!After my last venting with the other party although I feel kinda drained, I feel better, Free-ER if that's a word... More FREE??=)) Anyway, Moving on from this point can't be any harder than trying to move with the 2 of those blood suckers in tow...
Just got done with a training session and am now going to do something I want to do.... I just don't what that is just yet...!!!
B thanks for all ur support today and I LOVE YOU.
Take that time off you were talking about and sleep for a few days then Do nothing but what you want for a few days , Hide the phone... Restrict yourself to only the FUN websites and enjoy yourself for a week, Trust me it will make you feel alot better. Call me and Sign L's cast for me!!!

WOW..we've come a LONNNGGG way Baby!!!!!

This is horrific to me... maybe because in our early childhood this was the fam's car... obviously we were in style according to this magazine from 1978... scary
Read the comments about this "wonderful new vehicle" we had to make it smaller because it took up 2 pages of the magazine. "Don't give up style???" are they kidding??? Just looking at this and you lose all sense of style...

Slumbering Sunday...

I did not sleep all day actually quite the contrary... I may feel better today than I did the day before I went out, although I did stop drinking early last evening and in fact I don't think I even drank that much, i have no hangover. Y was in rare form last night, R and her are like watching a train wreck!!! NO JOKE!! Her lack of caring is unsurpassed and I told her last night that he has changed her and that she wasn't the same person ,at all. He's made her mean and vicious at times... To Everyone. Don't get me wrong, I know we all go through our sprees but this is really bad and self destructive... way beyond self destructive actually... a whole nother level!!! OH well, we did have fun till he showed up... He came towards the end of the night, soI left soon afterward and let her stay there with him.

I've been busy today, listing doing my other stuff, cleaning the house, now I think I'll watch a movie... and here's a pic of me from last night... tra laaaa.:0

This last pic is good of my hair,( so you can see the color, I like it much better than last time, next time I'm getting some brown low lights,) but my GAWWWWDDD I have got to go on a diet... I hate the phat face. This Not what it will look like come January!!!! ;))