New hair cut

New Hair cut and color... LIke??

feels and looks a lot better!!!

A LONG LIST

Well this week is rolling right along and I have a Lot of crap to do. Starting with finishing this malarkey at work....
Let me see maybe I'll just make a list.

1. Pay 2 more bills.


2. Get bday cards and gifts for everyone. S, Shannon, Morgan, Robin... Also Anniversary cards for GM/GF and Nanny and PP


3. Plan some kind of party....


4. Get S dress for homecoming dance for this weekend, and possibly shoes.


5. Try on and get S and my dress and shoes for B and L's wedding.


6. Send Shayla an Email explaining why i can't come to Colorado for the wedding this weekend and send a gift and card.


7. Get my hair cut and colored for pics for homecoming dance and Bday pics


8. Finish all these things I have to do for work ... which is overwhelming because I don't know how to do half of it!!!


9. Clean the house because it looks like a frickin bomb went off in it!!!


10. Call about an attorney for the Fire in the car thing.


11. Call insurance company to find out about lower rates.


12. Send out all the shit for Ebay.
13. Go to the grocery store
14. REST for 2 f-ing seconds...=)))

Now off to see if I can actually get some of this crap done. An update on that later!!!

No Mosquitoes tonight

This is S wearing a fitted sheet to keep the Mosquitoes off her... hehehehehehe and that's Morgan jumping in for a shot also......

And this is how it STARTS...

OH Yeay Baby... Got a new car tonight... what cha think??? 2002 Acura 3.2RL. Black with Tan leather interior.... LOts of perks.. for one good price... CarMAX... The people were as nice as the price... Hey, maybe I should write commercials also!!! hehehehe

Still waiting....

Still no info on the car... Stopped by the shop and saw it sitting there all burned up and shitty looking. I'm still driving the "loner"car and have been looking into Car Max. They have some nice cars and I think I can afford this. I'm kinda excited. Hope it all works out well.... As for some fun pics... I'm hoping to post some tonight when i get home. So for now this is my update..... Mwa.

My Rental Car

I get the rental car... had it close to 24 hours... Take S to get some dinner and we come out of the restaurant the focker won't start..... I call Road side assistance and tell them I do not want this car... I finally get it started get It home cut it off and try to restart it again... nothing!!!! So tomorrow I guess I'll be getting a new Rental Car!!!! Can't trade it tonight because the store near my house is closed and the other one is all the way at the airport and I'm not driving all the way over there again tonight!!! Whyyyy???? Hopefully I'll get good news from the fire inspector about my burnt car. Wish me luck!!!

MY CAR

New Tires!!!

I dropped my car off at the firestone place at lunch to get 2 new tires, and an oil change. I hope they have it done by the time I'm done with work. I will be glad to have the car run with out being shaken around like frickin' jello in a cup!!!! LOL
Also Richard called and was all assy as usual. He called me and apparently Bitch face walked into the room he started saying in a nasty voice, I can't talk right now I have to go, HE FRICKIN' CALLED ME> I'm like what ever. What a Pussy whipped muther. Pathetic.
Okay enough with that crap... It's gonna be a good week and My car getting fixed is just the beginning!!! Woot Woot > Maybe later this week I'll post some good/funny pictures!!

Will this week ever end???

My original theory that ME and an office job not being right for each other is totally correct!!! I absolutely detest sitting here doing nothing. I did do some work today but not enough to fill the whole time I'M HERE. Tomorrow maybe I'll get something else to do. I didn't take my med's today and I'm not quite as irritated about sitting here doing nothing.

I haven't talked to C today but I miss him a lot. I wish I could see him soon but I'm afraid to ask, because I don't want to hear No. I hate being limited. I'm trying to forget about it , it's hard. Movin' on......

A Brighter Day?

Actually that was yesterday's title and I erased the blog and started over again today!! Yesterday was a good day, I didn't freak out hardly at all. Today on the other hand I am wavering. I was fine till about 12:45 and then the shit started. My heart started pounding and I got a lump in my throat. I could feel tears start to pour out of my eyes.
This is so deep and I can't stop the feelings that are coming up. They are of an intense feeling of love or care for a person, This is the same feeling I had with R. When we were married and I couldn't get the attention I needed from him(Colorado). I knew what it felt like to get the love and attention from him(R) and how good we were together but something had changed. He refused to give me any attention and treated me like I was of no importance, which in turn made me fucking nuts!! Determined to change this I did everything I possibly could to get his attention. The only thing I didn't try, was to step back and see what happened if I stopped trying. I guess I felt just like I feel today... that if i don't try then I'll get left behind,forgotten, cast away like garbage for sure.
This(thing with C) is not even a fraction of the relationship that the 9 year R one was BUT the pain is just as intense and unbearable. I feel meaningless and disposable.
Yes for all of you out there who are thinking "Do something..." Well for the love of GOD I work a full time job. There is no time that I just sit around and feel sorry, I'm crying at my desk, in the car, when i sleep and when I wake up, While I'm at the grocery store and the BW!!! While I'm walking and ebaying and emailing and watching TV, listening to the radio, doing laundry... everything I see and everything I hear relates to this in my head. Everything is Lonely and painful. This is the way my BRAIN and heart work, I'm defective I suppose, because all these suggestions are not touching the pain of this rejection.
I keep thinking there has to be something I can do to make it better, to make that happy feeling come back and there isn't. There is nothing that can change this I am afraid. How can I explain this to anyone.. you would have to be ME to understand.Therefore I am lost and out of suggestions. Maybe this is more about a past pain, probably soooo, otherwise there wouldn't be so much of it!!!