I AM …trying to get ahead of the game.
I WANT…to feel secure.
I HAVE …alot to look forward to.
I KEEP … getting up and trying.
I WISH I COULD … go to the scrapbook crop at least once a week.
I HATE … when people act arrogant
I FEAR … snakes
I HEAR …the wind blowing in the palm trees and it makes me smile.
I DON’T THINK …. I'm ever going to get all my stuff moved!!
I REGRET … several things...
I LOVE … my daughter, my sister, my boyfriend also sharp crayons and pencils!
I AM NOT … perfect or condescending
I DANCE … everyday!!
I SING …in the car
I NEVER … meant to get so behind.
I RARELY … get to go on vacation.
I CRY WHEN I WATCH … summer leave the airport.
I AM NOT ALWAYS … energetic
I HATE THAT …I'm not in the best shape I could be, mentally and physically.
I’M CONFUSED ABOUT … what tomorrow will bring.
I NEED … a savings account!!=)
I SHOULD … be back on my feet soon!!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Life teaches Hard Lessons...
So how is it that a person can give such excellent advice to everyone else and not use the same advice in her own life? I am a perfect example of this particular phenomenon. I see myself sliding farther and farther into a place that I would have never excepted before. Abuse from people has a way of sinking inside you and eating you up from the inside.
I used to consider myself a STRONG person and now I feel like ..... well it's to horrible to write. Do I see what's happening to me?? Yes I do... and I'm doing all I personally am capable of doing to make my situation better. Although it just seems to be not enough.
Sometimes I think I deserve the abuse and nasty words, like they are somehow a comfort. Like if I get punched hard enough (either with fists or with words) it will somehow knock all the pain away. Maybe even kill the pain. I know this sounds so ignorant and stupid... but I'm just writing what's in my heart.
What I want most of all is to love someone and be loved back the same way. I think I give a lot of love to the people I want to and I don't understand why they won't give it back in the same way. Maybe I'm just crazy and was ruined along time ago on how to feel love the right way. The thing is, I don't punch or belittle the person I love, that's not how I show love, so why do I keep finding these people who are incappable of loving me?
Ones have said, "you must love yourself before anyone can love you". Well I do love myself, to a degree, but then I start wondering if I was so wonderful then why dosen't anyone care about me.
I'm probably just really hurt right now and I'm sure my aching heart will heal in time, but for now I feel that smothering, all comsuming pain that sneeks up on me whenever a relationship crashes. I have the strongest urge to rush in and fix it at any expense.. especially my own. I wish I could feel confident and strong, loved and secure. I want to be held and comforted. Is that really to much to ask for?
For any one reading this ... thanks at least for reading and if you want to comment then please do.
Until next time... Peace.
I used to consider myself a STRONG person and now I feel like ..... well it's to horrible to write. Do I see what's happening to me?? Yes I do... and I'm doing all I personally am capable of doing to make my situation better. Although it just seems to be not enough.
Sometimes I think I deserve the abuse and nasty words, like they are somehow a comfort. Like if I get punched hard enough (either with fists or with words) it will somehow knock all the pain away. Maybe even kill the pain. I know this sounds so ignorant and stupid... but I'm just writing what's in my heart.
What I want most of all is to love someone and be loved back the same way. I think I give a lot of love to the people I want to and I don't understand why they won't give it back in the same way. Maybe I'm just crazy and was ruined along time ago on how to feel love the right way. The thing is, I don't punch or belittle the person I love, that's not how I show love, so why do I keep finding these people who are incappable of loving me?
Ones have said, "you must love yourself before anyone can love you". Well I do love myself, to a degree, but then I start wondering if I was so wonderful then why dosen't anyone care about me.
I'm probably just really hurt right now and I'm sure my aching heart will heal in time, but for now I feel that smothering, all comsuming pain that sneeks up on me whenever a relationship crashes. I have the strongest urge to rush in and fix it at any expense.. especially my own. I wish I could feel confident and strong, loved and secure. I want to be held and comforted. Is that really to much to ask for?
For any one reading this ... thanks at least for reading and if you want to comment then please do.
Until next time... Peace.
Friday, September 05, 2008
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